yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
