You can't special order awesome
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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