Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How does one acquire holy water?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
