It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
