At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
