I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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