I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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