I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
