I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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