I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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