I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
