Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize