My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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