mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
