So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
