I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
