fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
