she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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