one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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