When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
