Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
