I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
