worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize