I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
