6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
