so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
