At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
