If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
