My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
