Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
