i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
