Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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