I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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