Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
