this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
