You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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