Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
