I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
