Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
