tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
