you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
