Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize