Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
