I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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