he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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