It's Friday. Sex?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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