i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
