I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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