I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
