she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
