i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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