He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
