Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
