She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
