There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
