If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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