Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
