That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
