my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
