Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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