my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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