So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
