Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
