I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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