Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize