What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
