splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
