I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
