the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
