Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Barsexuality is the new black.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize