Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
