I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
